Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Hollywood should stay away fighting movies

Hollywood should stay away from fighting movies
Why? Because 90% of the time, they are shit at it. Picture this… A hoard of armour clad ninnies standing on a hill. Standing opposite is an opposing hoard of ninnies, also on a hill. Horns blaring, they charge each other in a most unorganized fashion, swords drawn. You’re at the edge of your seat, palms sweaty and hardly breathing. Then BAM! You’re hit in the face with a flying box of stale vagina. At this point all you see are 2-second close-ups of random shit on the battlefield. Two swords clashing, someone’s cringing face, more swords, the back of a helmet, impact of sword on shield, a splatter of blood, a pumpkin pie. What’s worse, in an attempt to create the illusion of an extremely furious battle, the camera shakes wildly in all directions.

Oh wow, a fight spanning over at least a mile is taking place, and yet I get fed visuals of x1000 magnifications of things I don’t even care about. Who’s eyes are we looking through anyway? To exemplify my point, take a look at this fight scene below drawn with deadly accuracy.      

On the other hand, I think Chinese movies get fighting scenes right 90% of the time. The camera is usually taken in third person perspective, so you can actually see someone’s entire body from head to toe. So what if bad guys take turns to attack the hero, consequently leading to their ultimate individual demise? It’s no better than a Hollywood hero being able to spot his friend’s dying moments hundreds of yards away, then wadding through a sea of bodies, only to have a 2 minute conversation with the dying sumbitch, ALL the while not being attacked even once by any of the 3 million enemies.
 Why is it a trend now to employ Chinese fight choreographers? Hmmm? Coz they’re better at it. Even then, these choreographers get “Hollywoodinized” and in the end their fight scenes become stupid anyway. Idiots. Bottom line, Hollywood should stick to CGI effects for the fight scenes, like the movie “300”…and tomato soup in winter kicks ass.   

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