Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Asians And Bad driving

Asians and Bad driving
by G. KEw
When I drive in an Asian country and this white Mazda cuts in front of me, forcing me to veer off to the side only to tap the protruding bumper of a green mini-van and set in motion a chain of events leading to a huge pile-up of dead carcasses and flying limbs, I shrug and say “pfft, must be a woman driver…”
In a white country, when someone does the same thing, my friends say “pfft, must be an Asian driver…”
So are Asians just shithouse at driving? I cannot fully disagree, but if you actually go to an Asian country, it’s a totally different story. I was in the outskirts of Shenzhen, China and I swear I was on a road made for two-way traffic WITHOUT any dividing white lines. There is no way to tell the left side of the road from the right. And since the road was wide enough to fit four cars at any one time, my side of the road constantly alternates between 1 to 3 lanes…and sometimes half a lane. But the Chinese love extra challenges, so much so that they don’t bother with pedestrian walkways, overhead bridges or traffic lights. And it would be okay if this was some shitty rural area with the intermittency of one car every 3 hours, but this is China, cars and pedestrians are simply everywhere!

So while I was there crapping my pants, my driver was calmly steering with one hand, with a ciggie in the other, and a cell phone balanced between his ear and shoulder.
Here’s another classic example, subject matter for countless stand-up comedy jokes. The scooter cum family van.
It takes skill to maneuver through heavy traffic while balancing the shifting weights of 5 other people.
I’m not finished. White people complain about traffic jams, but they ain’t seen a REAL traffic jam till they drive in an Asian country. If whites drove in a country like Malaysia, they’ll be the ones being called lousy drivers instead. Consider this diagram.

You are the car in red. You want to turn left.  An incoming blue car will pass you in 5 seconds. What do you do?:
a)    Wait like a pussy-ass for the blue car to pass
b)    Turn NOW!
c)     Pull over in front of the blue car, club the driver to death and steal his ride coz it looks better.
d)    Ram it and set off the explosives strapped to your body.
The choice you make depends may depend on your religious beliefs and the kind of video games you play, but let’s just focus on (a) and (b). It is normal to do (a) in a White country and (b) in an Asian country. The problem arises when you are a white in an Asian country and vise-versa. The following drawing illustrates what happens if you choose to wait, or turn.

a)    Wait like a pussy-ass for the blue car to pass  

b)    Turn NOW!

This is not just limited to East Asian countries. It’s the same in South Asia and the Middle East. I heard that In Dubai, the speed limit on highways is around 140km/h…and accidents happen with foreigners not coz they drive too fast, but coz they drive too slow! So there you have it, Asians are NOT bad drivers, rather they are the victims of a difference in driving culture. And stereotyping doesn’t help. Now that I have triumphantly proven my point, I shall take a drive down to the nearest bubble tea cafĂ© and bask in my own glory…..Hey! Some faggot is parked right behind my car! How am I to reverse?...Oh wait here comes the idiot now….ahh it’s an asian woman… 

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